The Creator

The Creator is a mysterious figure. Nobody knows who he is, where he comes from, where he is, or what he is. Why is he called the Creator? The answer is simple, because as obscure as he is, his task is known to all; to create... and his creations will fill in the gaps in the limitless void.

What does it take to create, and how? To us mortals, creation is a widely misconceived truth, even the idea of procreation itself is not genuine creation. We mortals 'create' by molding some materials into something else with different 'uses' or 'functions'. That is not creation, that is to modify an item's properties to another that corresponds to the purpose of that modification. We mortals 'create' at the expense of something else, and with limited resources, our numbers of 'creations' are finite.

As for the Creator, creation is his nature. He can create a thing out of nothing... for there is nothing out there in the void. He can create anything at his whim; with a thought of his will his creation will take shape and form. It is his sole purpose to create, his sole authority.

The Creator does not create without purpose, as it would be meaningless if he does so. He creates so that there will be order in nothingness. The 'life' that he creates is a byproduct of of the result of his actions. Well, it probably is not his plan to give his creation a sentient mind.

The Creator creates with one rule to observe; that his creations must return to the void whence they came from... that nothing lasts forever. To us mortals, that is how 'time' begins, a byproduct of his creations. Life coincides with time because time dictates when life should end. Time is the ultimate rule that all life must obey, and time is different to each different life i.e. our lifetime is but a fleeting moment compared to that of a burning star.

The Creator however, is neither bound be the rules of time nor will he suffer from the ravages of time. The Creator's existence is tied with the void; he will continue to create as the void continues to expand, an expansion that knows no end. Even if the void stops expanding, the Creator will still remain.

The Creator and the Void regards each other as equals, as partners. Of course, the Creator often wonders who came first, or who is superior? That question was soon set aside as they know they would not exist without one and the other, that the Void would not have a cause or meaning in absolute nothingness, and it was the Creator's creation in the Void gave the Void a meaning.

The Creator observes a self imposed rule after realising that lesser sentient beings are brought into existence as a result of his creations, that he will never interfere with their affairs unless it is necessary; and that necessity is an option he hope that he will never have to use. Several times he was forced to interfere, and his interferences are absolute; the destruction and reconstruction of that particular creation. Several times that life has ventured too far beyond their permitted boundaries, by acting in defiance against the weave of time, prolonging, stalling, manipulating or even traversing in the fabric of time.

Such knowledge are deemed to be too powerful to be wielded by mortals as it allows life to circumvent itself from reaching the their intended destination, the Void, the aversion of the rule that all creation should observe. Yet, the Creator knows that with the existence of life and time, the discovery of such knowldege is an eventuallity that can only be avoided by his interference. It pains the Creator to destory something that he has created, and that their demise are determined prematurely by their own progress.

The Creator appeals to the Void, hoping that the Void might provide a viable solution to this meaningless cycles that are seeming to loop in perpetuity. He knows the irony runs deep, but despite his own personal agendas, to save his other creations from his own quick and definite interferences, he realises that the Void is also aware that order and balance must be maintained... that the rule of time is definite, and certain boundaries are not meant to be crossed.

"Boys... we're fucked."

It's Saturday, again. Damn... I wonder how many Saturdays I've lived through all these years, but I'm convinced that it's gonna be a hell of a calculation so we'll just leave it at that.

So yea, It's Saturday... what's the big deal about Saturdays? Apart from the fact that I've got a semi important dinner to attend later, my Saturday (this Saturday, and like all other working Saturday) is insignificant, if not worthless.

I'm in a state of irony that I could comprehend but couldn't express them. I suppose, that the fact that I am here in the office working full day from Nine to fucking Six on a Saturday (the theme of the entry, c'mon people pay attention) when I could be doing something else such as getting a good night sleep without having the alarm telling me when to wake up over and over again, is making my Saturdays worthless but at the same time the value (my personal evaluation) for my free Saturdays is off the charts.

I guess this is what people would call the agony of corporate hell. Woohoo, and I am smacked right in the middle of it.

Speaking of agony, although I do not know if there is anything else that could be more agonising than working on a Saturday where you simply don't have much to do (or you could be at home trying to fix your cabinet and have a nail pop your eye via nailgun freak accident), ... I really don't have much to say.

To sum it up, this fucking sucks. This is suckage majeur, hands down... God damn it if feet down makes any sense (referring to the earlier expression 'hands down') I'd gladly use it over and over just to prove a point, even though I've already done so quite successfully.

... Not to mention I was just reminded by myself (thank you very much, brain) that I am getting shit pay. Shit is shit, there is simply no other way about it, nor around it. I am a confirmed staff (confirmed after I am here working for a full 3 months with, as my boss would say, satisfactory performance) and my salary was not reviewed at all in these 11 months of working.

"... but you get to receive the bonus for October!" ... *middle finger majeur maximus*. 100 bucks for 11 months is not enough to steer me away from whining, or griping, or hate this shit of a crap they call 'system', as well as this job with an extremely fiery and burning passion. I'd go as far as to call this pure and raw emotion of mine 'vengeance'. RAWR!

After all the whining and griping tho, I'm stuck. Stuck because the path I chose requires a certification of some sort (and the system for the certification sucks balls), stuck in this rat race with no real qualification because I lack the former, and will continue to be a nobody until I can get away from this... this job of mine, this system that confines me so far down the executive level.

Corporate life doesn't interest me one bit, but isn't that what MOST parents have in mind for their children? If the waves of economic tidalwaves didn't open their eyes to the fact that even with the best education (unless you're a doctor or ... I don't know... some other really useful stuffs), there is no such thing as 'security' and 'success', with the latter being even MORE far fetched because working below, or for someone else will never make you any near successful.

How do you define the term 'success' is up to you. For most, it's probably something like this:-

1) work your ass off, fighting for promotions, or jumping to other companies that gives you better offer, with five figure monthly salary as your aim which would probably take about 15 years or so of your life.

2) during the progress of item 1 in the above, somewhere in between, build a family with your other half. Poor family planning leads to the incurrence of a 'few' (hopefully just one) non-satisfiable financial liabilities (but that's okay, I mean it could be worse, that kid could be of a different colour and you didn't have a pre-nup signed)

3) finally you have reached the top (read: your top), rushing off to meetings daily, coming home late at night, You are at your corporate prime. You are a corporate beast. People cower in fear when they deal with you as much as they respect your corporate prowess. *FEAR!*... but you come home to a crying son, a troubled daughter and a lonely wife whom you suspect is spending too much time with the neighbour's husband, or the brother, or whoever (if she's spending time with a she then you're probably in luck! DO NOT COMPLAIN)

4) Recession hits the globe and you, for the first time in your entire life and with a huge ass mortgage (not the kids) on your shoulder, are afraid that you may be retrenched. So what now? You did everything your parents wanted you to do, you were earning fat salary before this (or that) and you barely settled a quarter of the bill for the house that you just bought. What could possibly go worse? Maybe your wife wants a divorce (although at this stage it's probably good news unless you gotta pay for the legal fees).

I kid, I joke, I joke a little bit more, I kid even further.

I don't know if whatever I just wrote is plausible. I really don't. I mean it could, I just don't want it to happen to me... but I have a bad feeling, a really bad feeling that it all starts with a fool like me, sitting here in an office, without much to do on a Saturday (YES THE SATURDAY FUCKING SUCKS) keeps telling himself "It'll all be fine. It'll all be better, it has to be." for the rest of the following miserable ten corporate years (as well as the unbearable Saturdays) to come.

On the up side of things, with a shirt, a tie, slacks and leather shoes, we look fuckin smart.

D-Day, July 2009

Nothing much left to write. All seems hopeless and I am surprisingly optimistic. Yes, I am surprised myself. With what I have now, there is no way I can handle the coming exams. The only thing I keep telling myself that all will be alright is because I have 1 week left to wrap up all the crap I have left out.

I look at the papers, I look at the things written on it, and I honestly do not know what am I looking for. Maybe I am looking for some clues, some answers, some miracles even... because whatever that is written on those revision papers are definitely not knowledge.

What good is knowledge when you can't use them?

... yet the pages beckons.

Where has it gone?

I didn't remember the first 3 years of my life after I was born. No, not even a single image that exists in my head that I can confirm. Starting from the age of four, things started to get a little clearerl; there are certain events I can recall from actually being a toddler. Even so, I suspect some of these memories are pieces of what's left of my toddler days. I think that there are some two to three year old events I have mistakenly thought they have happened at the age of four. Oh well, where's the line that distinguishes between age when we're kids that young except for birthday cakes and the numbers of candles on it? When I was a kid, everything seemed huge and everywhere with a space big enough for me to fit in is a playground. Time was indefinite, that is... until my first social duty kicks in; School.

I remember there was this once I still didn't know how to count, I was probably four (kids nowadays can do division at six, talk about what the f**k.) I was trying to make sense out of the ritual of tearing off calender pages at every 'month'. I didn't know what month and year was, but I was sure as hell trying to crack my head just to figure out the difference. That was just a one off experience when I was in my dad's old car on the way to pick up my mom from her work.

The good old days, when I'm still a good kid listening to whatever he says. I just remembered that I will always say yes to going out with my parents, or even just with one of them whenever the situation arise. I was almost too eager to say yes to begin with. The night drives when in his car was fun, it was a journey to look forward to. To see my mom for the first time in the day (it was at night though...), and then to go home together. I would look for things to do, because I sure as hell couldn't appreciate musics playing in the car radio back then. That was also the first time my fascination for the world beyond the sky grew. Stars were so captivating, and whatever that remains out there. You see, back then in the 1980s, KL wasn't half as bright as it is now during night time. You could still see the stars clearly, and the sky is filled with them. Almost too beautiful. My stupidity kicked in when I blurted out to my dad in the car "WHY IS THE MOON FOLLOWING US?!" I never get to find out why until many years later.

In retrospect, I regret the day I learn to say no. Saying no to him when he said he's going out to pick up my mom, to go to places. I thought saying that would mean I was growing up, at least, to be not as dependent on my parents. What a fool, I clearly misinterpreted things back then. I'm not sure now that the first time I said that, I may have caused some hurt. Was I not filial? I sure hope not. I'm pretty sure now that if I had not say no, I'd have more fond memories of them now, especially my mother's. Y'know the days when Subang Parade was all the hype back then? I wish it still is now.

Two decades later, I'm an adult now, and my family has been through much. Almost too much. The past few years came and passed too fast, as compared to the days when I was four, a month seemed like a year. Right now a month seemed like a week. I guess it's because we simply have too much on our plate, too many things to do, too many things to think, to plan about... and we hardly have anytime ourselves, to do things we want to do. I remember reading this somewhere, that time is a mischievous little kid; when we are having fun, when we are enjoying ourselves, it would run away from us, steal our time away, but when we are having a hard time, being bored, it would not go away, and it seemed like these time would linger on forever.

Come to think of it now, I didn't realise how much I love my younger brothers. Oh well, I gotta stop ranting now. Time to work.

The Saturday after Good Friday.

Bitter Employee's Log:

3.20 PM: Just started on my work and it's half done. Boy, if that isn't efficiency I don't know what is. Wasting time and being inefficient are completely different. At least they are in my books. If I were to complete the work the moment I step into the office, I'd have the piles of papers/documents/files on my desk as my pillow. Shush.

Earlier, I was browsing around. I must admit, I'm a rather curious person. Apart from Wikipedia and mangas, I've been stumbling upon blogs (I use the word 'stumbling' because I literally did stumble upon the blogs without the intention of me looking for it in the first place... that's what stumble is, right?) of people I know, or knew. The line is shoddy nowadays, but pay no heed to it, for I do not really give a damn. They provide good entertainment to pass time, as well as a method of catching up. What? What are you talking about? Invasion of privacy? It's a blog. I'm such a gossip? It's a blog! I read whatever the hell they wrote!

Still, after reading the latest blog I found, I'm somewhat depressed. What's with people constantly wallowing themselves in pity and sorrow (read: Emo). I know life sucks, your lover left you for a wealthier dude, or your lover turns out to be a homo (okay the last one really do suck), but is there not a point to it? Life is such, no? I mean I doubt 'life' itself personally see to it that you are supposed to be a born loser... if you are a loser then it's because you really are one. Not because of what others did to you or what they didn't do for you, it's you who failed to act when you should have acted, and the proper course of action that was ought to be taken.

I'm by no means a better person. I'm probably condemned right now for being so generic about losers (and emos). Tho I must admit (shamelessly and rightfully so) that I am a much happier person than the average person. Yes! Happier-than-thou.

Here's a tip, if you can't get what you want, then maybe you ought to set the standard bar somewhat lower. You could just scrape through by living your life in a lie. No harm done hey. Or... you could keep up with the rate you're going and attempt suicide by stabbing yourself with the pen (or pencils or any such other sharp objects) and at the same time hope you really do kill yourself, that... or your selfless (read: selfish) and honorable (read: not-so) act of self mutilation would warrant a surge of emotion by your aspiring (read: sarcasm) and prospective (read: sarcasm & I hope not) lover / soulmate for life strong enough for him/her to want to care for you and all your stab wounds.

I have little to no respect to those who would use their own lives to threaten someone else into giving in into their demands.

Similarly, to those who likes to drown themselves with sorrow and get high on anti-depressants, for whatever reasons (disclaimer: except those who, for some exceptional case really deserves to be fed with such medical remedies recommended by certified/license practitioners, and regardless of the fact that I am still somewhat reserved and sceptical to the same.) , or just because, you're not too far away from those "I-WILL-SHOOT-MYSELF-IN-THE-BALLS-IF-YOU-DON'T-GO-OUT-WITH-ME!" people. I almost forgot about those people who have good looks, good health (read: not ugly, not dying tho the latter is actually a matter of time/latency) but constantly whines about how life is unfair and a bitch... and those who weighs 120pounds but claims to be fat and overweight, please buy a nailgun and shoot yourself repeatedly in the face ( Warning! Sarcasm! Please, it's a joke, don't take it seriously although if you do happen to be one of those people as mentioned, it would be recommended that you actually do it, I do hope no one dies from reading this.)

In contrast, to those who do not have the financial luxury to afford themselves with 'medicines', but who are in a better position to consume such 'medicines' aka people who are disabled, but doing their very best to have a positive outlook in life, and constantly wearing a genuine smile on their face and to be able to come to terms with their loss, they are epic and worthy to be emulated.

"I have alot of sad memories, I'm miserable to live this life/ spend this night alone, yadda yadda yadda"... and you're full of shit too.

Good Friday. TFGIFF

First, SCREW YOU FRIDAY! Not only I have to work tomorrow, but knowing that for some others in other parts of this world are having today off AS OF RIGHT seriously makes me rants at the injustice of it all.

Second, Dom, my colleague is in one of those days where he seems wackier than usual. Come to think of it, wacky isn't such a good term. He reminds me of patients in a mental health institution, I mean, when someone says "People fear me as much as they fear diarrhea.", you know something is wrong somewhere. Probably some screws are loose, but knowing him for about half a year, I'd say he doesn't have much screws to keep his mind sane in the first place.

He is no doubt a fun person, that and he subsequently wished for a diarrhea.

Oh, and I have just received news yesterday that the CLP schedule is out and payment for the examination is due. The D-day is set on 13th July. That literally translates to "You're screwed". No exaggeration here. I wonder what sort of interference is in store for me to deter me from taking the exam this year.

On other news, it seems that streamyx has finally repaired the connection to international sites such as Hong Kong and the USA, either they did or someone else. The details matters little, as far as I am concerned. I'm just glad youtube and my WoW connection isn't moving like a brittle-boned 90 year old woman.

Now, I'm at work, trying to finish up my work. At least, for the more important parts of it, I'm a quarter away before I can hand them up. For the less significant ones, screw it, they can wait a little more while I am dealing with this big one. Lunch time is two hours away.

Speaking of which, what am I gonna have for lunch? That question never fails to provide some little humour and entertainment in my department.

Since I am working tomorrow when no one else in the department is, I'll be studying for the exam of my life (and hopefully I can clear it so I can say baibai to my current hostile working environment, somewhat). Why I say so is because while your safety in the office is pretty much safe, your mental health is significantly at risk. (Please refer to my statements in the above; my colleague).

Before fast forwarding to tomorrow, chaffeur duty awaits right after work. I sure hope she gets back to her office before I reach or I'm gonna flip.

Only in Asia they make you wake up at 5, reach work at 6 and releases you from work at 7 when it is expressly stipulated in the letter of offer aka 'sell-your-soul-to-the-devil contract', that you're supposed to work from 8:30 to 5:30, on Fridays.

To the readers out there (highly unlikely) who possess a decent IR/Employment law knowledge (even more unlikely), can the employer make an employee stay behind for more work against his or her will without any considerations? As far as I know, executive status employees are not elligible for overtime payments.

Then again, what is there to argue? I'd think if this matter is to be brought up to the Industrial Courts, it would still be a no brainer case i.e. the employee would win the suit. Boss wants their staff to be punctual on meetings, or to come into office on time for that matter, but wouldn't let them go home on time. Lousy double standards.

Much to my dismay nonetheless, Malaysians in general, are very timid people. Most of the working class are I think. Heck, I am one too since I'm still dependent on the payroll however meagre it is. No one would be bothered enough to stand up and fight for their rights if it means trouble despite however bright the possibility of them winning their fight. The braver ones become policitians. The even braver ones starts robbing people under the broad daylight.

What gives? srsly.

the roads we walk

"Tonight I lack the strength to even move,

When you walked, now watch me die..."

---

News of how the recent economic crisis is comparable, if not worse than the 1930s Great Depression is worrying, especially towards those who have faced such difficult times may find a dreadful sense of familarity multiplied by a few times over.

For us rookies earning at the minimum wage scale, it probably didn't matter as much. The root cause for this episode of turmoil is credit abuse, arguably the very same reason for the Great Depression some 7-8 decades back. I'm no economic guru, but it does occur to me that if we have failed to learn from back then, when will we ever learn? Or we did learn, but the transitions between the generations (save for the turbulent era marred by the world wars) have effectively diminished the need to learn from the lessons that we ought to have learned and preserved?

---

"For I know this is harder for you,

For love has let you down..."

---

Further news on the economy, a country went bankrupt, and governments around the world are announcing stimulant packages and bailout plans, injecting billions of dollars into the economy with the objective to 'stimulate' the economy and to save corporates from crashing down. This move is greeted with little enthusiasm, probably with as much enthusiasm of a cleaner looking forward to cleaning toilets, and with even less optimism. Nevertheless, private corporate entities saved by the government throughout the said means are now effectively state owned.

---

"yeah C'mon

I am not alone..."

---

Economic wise, I'm sure the world will change, for the better or worse.

---

"The road ahead is lined with broken dreams,

So walk, yeah walk on by

And I failed to give you everything you need,

For the fears, behind your eyes..."

---

Professional doomsayer has 'prophesised' that this world is doomed beyond salvation thanks to global warming. The time for us to act has passed and now we can only hope to mitigate the damage by taking drastic actions, and even that is not very hopeful. From the looks of things, chances are we will probably be doing more to help us save our pockets than to chop less trees and burn less fuel.

---

"When I cant feel you,

I'm not alright, I'm not alright,

When I cant feel you,

I'm not alright, I'm not alright,

When I cant feel you ..."

---

I think we're pretty much screwed, and damned our future generations to burn in this beautiful but soon to be dead home. I walk around in the mall and look at the newborn babies being brought about by their parents. They are such cute stuffs, innocent and beautiful. Yet at the back of my head I can't help but to think "oh you're so screwed 20 years down the road."

What's in store for us? For my family, my beloved and I?

---

"Jesus as you throw me on the rocks,

For love I left your side

'cus I believed in love and beautys wiles,

Where heaven shone from your eyes..."

---

Then I thought to myself how much I'm in love, the rest of the world didn't matter. The world can be non-existant as long as we're together. That's a premature way of saying things, and a very selfish one. Not that I'm not conscious as to what's going on with the rest of the world apart from the two of us. The truth is, I'm always aware; the truth is, the truth is far from what I had believed in.

I'm not willing to give up on my home, this country, this world. Despite my best intentions, and the fact that I have not yet thought of a viable course of action to help contribute to the cause of putting this world back on track, my only saving grace left, my hope of things will be alright is with her, and my family.

---

"Chained to your tree

I wanted you to say

I wanted you to say

I wanted to believe

Chained to your tree

I wanted you to say

I wanted you to say..."

---

If only things are easier said than done, or things are easier to save than to destroy, or to be pious is easier than to be corrupt.

If only malice is as restrained as kindness we have for each other...

This world we have, would've been a better place, no?

---

"Tell me that it wasnt all for naught,

Its such a waste now, Its such a waste now cmon

I know your scared but baby dont you hide,

Its such a waste,

You'll stand alone now, you'll make it somehow "

---

... my wager is risky, for I'm betting that at the end of the day, the devastation wouldn't consume me. My hope and faith is strong, strong as a well fortified fortress, I'm confident that it would weather whatever oncoming onslaught.

... but all that would be lost if I were to pull this through alone, even if I could make it somehow.

---

*title of song: Alright,

by: Pilot Speed*