Try

Grandma was sitting on her rocking chair, a chair they owned so long ago. Like any other vibrant and bubbly teen, she told Grandma she was going out for the day. Grandma said nothing, but nodded her head with a smile in consent, constantly rocking back and forth.

Her home was old; zinc roof, make shift pipelines, without a door sign... a squatter's home. As much as she tries, the grill would always shriek loudly, yet it was not loud enough for the accustomed ears. Grandma was not bothered with the shrieking grill, to her it was nothing more than a silence; the silence of the neighbourhood they are in. Thus begins her routine walk to the bus stand.

"Two hundred paces, exactly two hundred paces" she thought. She stopped in her tracks after hearing the voice of an angry adult yelling and scolding over some menial problems. Two hundred paces was the number of steps she was counting a year ago, the number she remembers until she lost count, interupted by the yelling of this very same man.

She paused in her tracks, staring into the house, and like every house in the neighbourhood and her's, there is only a grill. A little boy came into her sight, pouting his lips followed by who is presumably the little boy's sister, sobbing incessantly. She never understood why that man is so full of angst, and as a teen in this neighbourhood, she probably never bothered to try to care.

Her little trip took her to a park, a small park constructed for the children nearby the government's low cost flats to play. Despite her instinct to shy away from the unforgiving sun, she could not help to look at a couple of children running around in the park, braving the heat. She was probably getting a little nostalgic, and vowed to come back to the park later that day, a vow she makes almost too hastily, and a vow she never fulfill.

Her trip to the local mall was fun, so fun she did not realise the passing of time. It was not too late, but for a teen like her with a semi-strict mother, 5 o'clock is her Cinderella's 12 midnight. After getting off from the very same bus stand she was earlier in the afternoon, she began her dull journey back to her home.

She paused at the same park again... not that she remembers her vow. She saw the same boy, and his sister running around in the park, except this time they were constantly smiling, laughing, sometimes looking excited when one is chasing the other in the game of tag. "What a bunch of mischiefs" she thought. Yet the sight has undoubtedly made her chuckle a little inside, she smiled at the sight of such happiness, and the memory of her earlier encounter with them was cast far away.

Without much thought, she approached the children, offering some sweets she bought from her trip to the mall earlier. They accepted her gift, after all she is not a stranger to them, but a neighbour who lives some two hundred paces away. "Xie xie jie jie!" said the children in unison, and loudly too before running away resuming their game of tag. She found an empty swing, and with her nostalgic thoughts of being a little girl again getting stronger by the minutes, she quickly occupies it, not wanting to let another have it. There she sat, swinging forth and back slowly, recounting her life not too long ago, of thoughts where she was barely half her height, but swinging almost 90 degrees on the very same thing she is sitting on now, having more courage than what she has now.

"Childhood..." she chuckled again.

She looked to her sides, saw the little boy earlier swinging very high up, a perfect fit of the image she recounted earlier while she was swimming in the pool of her childhood memories, she could see herself in the place of the little boy. Looking forward, she saw the boy's sister, giving her a look that says "can I use the swing now, please?".

Looking from not too far away, looking at the two children she barely knows swinging high up in the park, laughing loudly, she find herself rooted to the place. She was rooted deeper after seeing the overall sight, a park full of children, running around screaming in joy, or some of those who are crying after falling down and being consoled by caring mothers or maids.

For the first time in her life, she ceased lamenting on her life, about being born in a poor family, living in a less-than-the-rest neighbourhood. "How very intangible" she thought, slowly acknowledging that happiness in fact, can be found simply anywhere, but one must know where to look.

The grill shrieks again as she opens it, making her way through.

"Sitt fann lo (time to eat in hakka)" said Grandma.

of spites and spikes.

Nearly 3 full months of hiatus. Workless days at work certainly did me in, at least enough for me to start typing random musings (some of which, will be not-so-random) at work hour.

My life isn't interesting enough for me to write about, especially on the net. No one gives a damn anyway. Those who does give a damn probably knows what I have been up to, and those who gives less damns would just settle if they know I'm doing alright.

Yet, I do need to whine, incessantly. For instance, day yesterday was awful. Minus having nothing to do and browsing the web the whole day (SURE, why the thought of being paid for doing nothing sounds awesome some may think), I went home with a crappy stomach who decide it was a good day to give me shit (no pun intended, but literally that's how it kinda ended up; two trips to and fro, whalla, happy stomach, painful shit hole). Then, my external harddisk, my sweet... sweet external harddisk took a crap so huge, it decides to commit suicide. I'm still not done with the resuscitation process yet tho. Apart from my save game datas (READ: NEVERFUCKINGWINTER NIGHTS OMFG and etc, etc), I am bracing myself for the impact of the loss of my not so huge collection but nevertheless wonderful and awesome mp3 files. The degree of reliability that technology provides is baffling at times.

Why, when I get something new, I'm amazed. Astonished at the wonderful reanimation of what the 3D tech today is capable of. Yet, when they decide to prematurely retire (They get to retire when my wallet can afford their replacements), these costly mthrfkrs just go to hell like that. *Puff*, gone with the wind, or dust. Not this time, I'm literally going to go to hell and drag their sorry asses back, er... referring to my hdd, make it vomit all my files back THEN they get to retire. I'd hammer the cover open (can't find those stupid screwdrivers they use for the screws), piss on the discs, breka them apart and toss it into a burning pyre.

So, now my boss ain't around, great. No sarcasm there, it is actually great to work in a stress free surrounding once in a while (Read: A LONG LONG WHILE).

Now I have a few agreements to run through, and of course, come up with a scheme to deter those ladies from other departments from being such (please insert derogatory remarks here). I have always been wanting to come up with something like that, but too lazy to and always not bothered to when the moment (when they piss me off) passes. Most of the time, I just dislike them, but when it does boil down to it, when they drag their hairy asses over, I wish their face would get hit by a cement truck. No, didn't mean for them to die, just the pain... oh the pain...

At any rate, stomach is acting up again. Roadside mamaks can kiss my ass until my tummy builds up an impenetrable, solid, impervous defense against any type of onslaught that would lead to ... unfavourable and unwanted effort to maintain and manage excess body waste... It still feels like pandemonium in there, I think Genesis is happening in there, er... whatever the event is where the Angels battles in heaven and God finally casts whoever down to hell. Right now, it is hell.

Argh.

1... 2... Caption!

Digicams!

Well, not a big deal but since i'm bored at my desk might as well utilize it to do stuffs i never usually do, aka blogging.

Either way, i find it how ordinairily fascinating to see how Digicam works nowadays, and how it has becoming more and more important in our lives. Just like cellphones we've created something and it became a habit... next thing we know it's a necessity.

Of course, those who doesn't own a cellphone yet, they can pass this off as bullshit, but for those who did own a cellphone, and is somewhat reliant on it, and for some reason or another doesn't have it anymore, they'll know what i mean.

Similarly i think the use of Digicam has become so widespread (btw just for clarification when i use the word Digicam i do mean the cameras that're capable of capturing photographs which would include cellphone with that function). Photographs was never made so easier and with new features being thrown into the package, it could be fun.

Then, digitally stored pictures now have a name of their own, aka captions. I don't remember the last time i bothered tagging captions to those old school photos (yep, those you can touch, not those you see through your monitor). not saying that those are obsolete, just it's less conventional now if one is a user for leisure. With sites like facebook and friendsters who needs a photoalbum anymore eh?

Seriously, if someone do come across this needless entry, well i do have to ask since when blogging was made necessary? I thought it'd be at least enjoyable for me to rant when i'm sitting here bored. Can you imagine yourself without a digicam? I can... I won't be bothered most likely.

FFXI News:
September update is going to be so fun. I just hope they don't nerf samurais. Speaking of which my Linkshell (Guild) should be doing more Nyzul Isle Assault runs just for the new Relics. So far levelling my Alchemy means i'm gonna have a steady Gil income in the long run, i hope i delved into the right synthesis.

With all the new additions, i can't wait. Then again at the same time it'll suck, since i'm workign right now the time i can spend on it is less than minimal. So Fred says he'll be on when i'm around, so i can go farm more to support my exorbitant daily expenses.

Also, that'd mean i get to hang out with aibbie more. I'ma drag her to farm tonight, and maybe get the Uleguerand Range map quest done, just for the sake of doing it.

It doesn't feel nice when that dark knight has it and i don't.

between

Time to whine! Working life sucks! 3 days into it and yes i am whining. Actually, it's just my luck. The other person sitting at the corner of the other department was reading newspapers for 4 straight hours while i crack my head trying to figure out how to say no to the amendments of the clauses.

Being away from the house naturally means i have less time to tend to my toon in ffxi, Dominus. Boy how i regret not getting more things done on him, instead of going AFK all the time clocking in those outrageously high play time. Well, perspective wise though, I have somewhat put some discipline into my 'life', sleeping early, waking up early, having less than 3 hrs per day to spend in front of the pc i like doing so much way back then. Now Dominus don't spend time in the game afk anymore, every moment he has, he's doing stuffs which i think... he should be doing.

For those who are wondering, i am Dominus.

So why do i like playing games so much, which by the way that is the question my dad keeps asking me all the time. There are many types of games out there, from racing to simulation and crap. I don't like the conventional japanese RPG as much, compared to the computer RPGS. They're different, think of Dungeons and Dragons. As much as i like the idea of beat 'em up types, they get stale really fast compared to story typed games. Real time strategy, well, it depends on the title. If it has a good background story to it, even though the game play sucks, i'd at least complete the game once, for the story sake.

That much said, I guess i like playing games, not just any games, but games that allows me to be the central part of a story. Some, likes to know the story from reading, just like how my girl likes reading harry potter. Some, likes to watch them on TV, Drama, movies and the likes. Most drama nowadays bore me, i like fantasy typed setting. Modern is just too, familiar. I like being part of a story, the kind of story that i like. At least that's how the games i play appeals to me.

Then came the concept of MMOG, abbreviation for mass multiplayer online games. Final fantasy XI came and become one of the best MMORPGs i have played. Why i liked it so much? It's not a single player's game. It's a game, driven by a story, in a setting that i liked, and i can play it with alot of other people. Think of it as a platform for people to be part of a society in a setting that is completely different from the everyday life. It gives fantasy a new meaning, one we can be part of, that I can be part of.

My toon, or my avatar, character... it may just exist within the game, but the value of having one can only be appreciated by others who shares the same interests as me, and i'm definitely not alone.

for everything... there is...

For every hero, there will be a hundred villains. Now, hundred is just an estimate and it is not necessarily restricted to villainy only, other less fortunate events such as natural disasters (or any disasters) and . Even in politics, when the government is 'evil', our hero would be someone who fights for the citizens' rights. So I thought, the word hero is not often used, but when used it carries an overrated weight.

Save for incidents beyond our control (e.g. natural disasters), why is there a need for a hero to begin with in the first place? Since when do we need to save ourselves from each other? Yet, since the beginning of time, we have not stopped hurting each other, to the extent of killing each other for whatever reasons but always motivated selfish gains.

Humanity itself is questionable. It is beautiful, yet it is flawed to the extent where I consider to be rotten. Compare it to a girl, who has the face likened to an angel, whose looks can be the definition of innocence itself yet she sells her body for fame and wealth. This is not to say that she is by all means is evil or 'bad'. Not trying to label myself as a champion of morality, but in short I just think it's a waste. but one has got to do what he has to do, or her.

Then my thinking shifted to another train of thoughts, just like a train changing rails but more frequent. Then I thought why has our parents (probably mostly in Asia I don't know much about the west) keep on telling us when we are young and little (of course, vulnerable as well) that if we study hard (well now they say smart so I don't know) and get good grades our life is secured. My grades are not good, but they are not too bad either and I had to learn myself (through hearing stories from other people and how things are today) that being someone in life, not someone important or famous, just a person, is god damn difficult. Somehow books are the least important thing when it came to this. Why feed us with 'lies' when they know themselves how hard it is, when they could have told us what is it really like... yet, how could they? By the time they are done procrastinating, we are all grown up, stumble upon this cold hard truth ourselves and this vicious cycle goes on and on.

Almost sounds like I am some guru, actually I have too much free time on my hands, nothing more.

Here's a question, how much do you care for the people you think you care, and the stranger next to you, and yourself? How far would you go?

Fairy Tales

Just thought how things would have been if all of them would go all the way like how our parents said it would be; study hard, get good results, and you'll be successful. Unfortunately, by now we all know that's just a fairy tale. Our seniors would probably agree that in order to be successful you gotta be really good at ass kissing, and of course be street smart.

Are things really that different from the versions we heard from our parents? Were they censoring certain details to prevent us from becoming what they are afraid we would, and that we already are, already did? That's pretty much no longer an issue, considering most of us have gone an entirely different paths we have hoped for.

As for me, as time goes by I realise how dark this world can be. Despite how the sun can burn so brightly illuminating every corner of the earth, bringing along warmth, it only lights up half of it. The other dark remains dim. Sometimes, the moon is shy showing up, almost like it's given up save for a few peeps. We, through technological manipulation and means managed to reproduce light, yet they're never bright enough in the night. Shadows lurking in the corners. That's only a faint description of things. The evil that we humans harbour has manifested itself that puts the shades of night to shame. It is as though the shadows we produce every time light shone at us are merely a compensating mechanism for who we are and what we have brought upon this world.

No longer the idea of courage, chivalry, honor are heralded in its former regards and glory, or has it ever been? Nowadays, to help another out of any of the higher echelons of morality would only associate one with stupidity and foolishness. Justice is a mouth service, when human lives are given a commercial value with varying worths. What about truth? Well, truth only matters as much as we humans matter to it, if not the next most significant importance would be how truth is invaluable to history. After all, what is truth to people who does not have interests or does not stand to gain?

Are all lost? I truly doubt it, for every child is born, their face is only tainted with innocence, and all hope is poured on them that they will grow up to be everything we're not, or if you think you're good enough, for what you could've been; better, even when we realise that the prospect of it all ending the way we hope it would is slim bordering to none. We might have not have anticipated it anyway.

Enough rant, song of the moment: See U Again by ATB.

FFXI: Vunkerl's Trudge

Here I am in Vunkerl Inlet, killing gnoles by the hundreds only to get a perfect claw. Why? All because of this stupid moblin (yeap, a different kind of goblin) wants it in exchange of an item that the Senator requested me to retrieve.

I swear these gnoles are an annoying bunch. They can cure themselves to full, (yep i had to pick the worst moon phase to fight them, Full Moon :1.9-1.99k Cure) things are starting to get boring. I might just head back and help Noillurie out, killing those beastmen and what not.

Vana'diel is not very interesting today, as you can tell from my earlier remarks. The Japanese are busy doing their end game stuffs (no i couldn't join, i don't understand what the frick they are spouting) and the Americans are still asleep. Europeans are weird, and Fred (European, too) wouldn't get his connection fixed.

Everyone's busy with something, and I'm busy with something boring. Here comes another Gnole.